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Warner Bros Sends A Warning With Jupiter Ascending

Another Lizard Person warning, this time courtesy of Warner Bros: Lizard People Are Coming. I don’t really know a lot about this movie, but it looks like the lizard thing might be important from the trailer. Watch out. Interstellar lizards are coming to Earth and want to fight us. Jupiter Ascending Lizard

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Cards Against Humanity Mails Warning On Lizard People

Cards Against Humanity send approximately 250,000 people a warning about the coming Lizard Person invasion this week. See the envelope art below, of lizard people armed with rifles subduing humanity.

cards against humanity lizard people envelope

Hopefully some of them will take heed! Lindsey Graham is coming for you.

 

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CongressEdits Twitter Bot Catches Congress Editing Reptillians Page

from io9:

Congress Edits is a Twitter bot that tweets every time a person in US government anonymously edits Wikipedia. This is our favorite edit so far, in which an anonymous person in the House of Representatives added a denial to an article on U.S. politicians being secret alien lizards.

well then, what else can i say today about our reptilian overlords? not much. they’re here, it’s real, and we need to deal with it.

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The Wire Covers Lizard People in the US Government

Internet news blog The Wire covered lizard people in the US government on their site this past fall. I regret not posting this earlier. It’s good to recognize some broadly read blogs are picking up the news about this critical issue. However, I have to say that I disagree with their assessment of Barack Obama and Joe Biden as lizard people. They may be mistakenly working in concert with the goals of the lizard people, but I am pretty sure they’re actual humans.

Their comments on the other politicians are likely spot-on though. Kucinich is an interesting possibility – What do you think, readers? Is he for humanity or for eating us?

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Return Of The Lizard People (To The Headlines)

John Key Prime Minister of New Zealand Lizard Person

John Key of New Zealand: Not a Lizard Person

John Key, Prime Minister of New Zealand, recently went on the record stating that he does not believe he is a lizard person. This is not a joke, and it’s excellent news. As we all know, lizard people cannot deny their true nature if they are confronted with it. By directly responding to a question and stating that he’s not a lizard person, I believe that John stands with us.

I’m also fairly sure that he is not a human collaborator of the lizard people, given his statement: “I’ve never been in a spaceship, never been in outer space, and my tongue’s not overly long either.” He knows the signs of the lizard, and has avoided them. Good on you John!

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Lindsay Graham is clearly a lizard person

220px-Lindsey_Graham,_Official_Portrait_2006

June 6th, 2013:

Senator Lindsay Graham of South Carolina said Americans have no cause for concern. ‘‘If you’re not getting a call from a terrorist organization, you’ve got nothing to worry about,’’ he said.

What an asshole. This guy, without a doubt, is scheming to devour our children and lay eggs in their heads. If you love your child, figure out a way to get this guy out of elected office. He’s up in 2014.

Posted in lizard people.


Lizard Person: Barack Obama? I don’t think so.

There is apparently a major rumor online that Barack Obama is a secret lizard person. I’ve found blog articles in places like this that support the conclusion, and about half of the traffic on the lizard person twitter search represents discussion of lizards and Obama, and sometimes even Romney.

This is bad news if it’s true – An election dominated by two lizard people is definitely going to further the bad ends of our country and we’re really in trouble then! Luckily, Obama is NOT a lizard person. I know this because his jaw and torso are all wrong. Have you ever seen a tall, skinny lizard? I haven’t either. Reptiles can be tall but they’re huge if so, not skinny or lanky like Obama. Additionally, he’s lacking the lizard jaw and throat that is so well documented in the photos of this blog – There’s no chance he could swallow a human child whole with a tiny jaw like that.

So let’s keep it straight: Obama is not a lizard person.

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Chris Christie Is A Lizard Person

Hey, guess what America. The Governor of New Jersey is a lizard person! I bet you didn’t know that.

Chris Christie Lizard Person

 

This might come as a surprise to you, since he’s a pretty public guy. As a result, I came with some evidence besides a photo of him delivering a speech about hard work and eating people at the RNC tonight.

Did you know that Chris Christie once considered running for President for the 2012 elections? It’s true- I read it on the Internet. 

I do have to admire Chris for one thing – He knows how to find clothes that fit him, unlike a certain Vice Presidential candidate that I can think of. I’m not here to bash on the absent resident Joe Biden though.

Tell us about your experiences with Chris Christie eating people and committing extreme acts of reptillian agression in the comments. Thanks!

 

Posted in lizard people.


Larry Summers Is The Quote Of The Week

Referencing global climate change & the impact of economic choices: “The idea that we should put limits on growth because of some natural limit is a profound error” – Larry Summers, 2009, in an interview with Charlie Rose.

Sounds like the words of somebody who appreciates who delicious people taste. Just like a lizard person.

larry summers lizard person

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Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn

 

 

 

 

A reader wrote in and wanted to know why I hadn’t covered the obvious lizard people of Goldman Sachs yet on this blog. This oversight has now been corrected. Here you go, fine readers: It’s guessed by our staff that Gary Cohn and Lloyd Blankfein entered the United States sometime in the mid 1960’s in the form of small children. In their immature state, they began to grow and find ways to feed their growing, insatiable hunger for fresh meat. After wiping out a small farm, including the family living there, they entered a cocoon-like state where they evolved into full-grown selves.

Upon this transformation into an adult lizard person, they discovered that their taste for flesh could be more easily satisfied by consuming enormous quantities of US American Dollars. The result has created the modern Goldman Sachs, that is not afraid of anything or anyone. The total contempt for humanity can be exhibited by the Goldman Sachs Elevator Twitter account as well – They have successfully recruited an army of lizard people and their willing food-slaves into the company to help continue to consume the world’s economy and money supply.

Keep an eye out for these guys. They’re danger.

Posted in lizard people.