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Lloyd Blankfein and Gary Cohn





A reader wrote in and wanted to know why I hadn’t covered the obvious lizard people of Goldman Sachs yet on this blog. This oversight has now been corrected. Here you go, fine readers: It’s guessed by our staff that Gary Cohn and Lloyd Blankfein entered the United States sometime in the mid 1960’s in the form of small children. In their immature state, they began to grow and find ways to feed their growing, insatiable hunger for fresh meat. After wiping out a small farm, including the family living there, they entered a cocoon-like state where they evolved into full-grown selves.

Upon this transformation into an adult lizard person, they discovered that their taste for flesh could be more easily satisfied by consuming enormous quantities of US American Dollars. The result has created the modern Goldman Sachs, that is not afraid of anything or anyone. The total contempt for humanity can be exhibited by the Goldman Sachs Elevator Twitter account as well – They have successfully recruited an army of lizard people and their willing food-slaves into the company to help continue to consume the world’s economy and money supply.

Keep an eye out for these guys. They’re danger.

Posted in lizard people.

We Are Totally Screwed

romney laughing gingrich laughing

Romney and Gingrich Love To Laugh!!

We are so totally screwed if these guys keep it up. Relentless people-eaters like Romney and Gingrich will happily come along and gobble up our children if given half the chance.

The only thing that makes this more fitting is the CNN logo right behind them as they go with their full-on belly laugh. Their tie contrast is also excellent – Tailored black suits and colorful ties for contrast. It is not hard to imagine going from this straight to the Paycheck Potluck Lunch to discuss the needs of people on welfare, who they both can clearly relate to.

If you have any other great photos of Mitt or Newt (yes, their real names) being terrifying, please share them with us in the comments or anonymously at

Posted in lizard people.

If you see someone as a lizard, what does that mean?

It can be tough to properly identify a lizard person. They don’t always have scales, slitted eyes, and bad breath. If you see someone as a lizard person, you should be cautious and observe their behavior:

Do they seem to never age, no matter how much time passes?

Do they have an usually angular or strong jaw, with many muscles in it? Does it open to an unusual angle?

Do they ever exhibit bizarre or unusual arrogance, like someone who knows something is coming?

Have you ever observed them showing unusual interest in shiny objects or spaceships?

Are you actually familiar with their family? Does anyone in their family exhibit similar tendencies? They may be a plant in the family, or they may be an entire family of lizard people!

Posted in lizard people.

Stabilizing Unrest or Fattening The Calf?

Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah

Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah

Let’s imagine for a minute that you’re one of the most fantastically rich men in the world, and you run a small oil-rich country in the Middle East. In the past two months, two guys (both lizard people) that you’re acquainted with have been thrown out of similar jobs (Tunisia) or are about to be (Egypt), and are on the run from their own population. What do you do?

If you’re Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah of Kuwait, you write a check to each of your resident citizens in your country in hopes that it will help keep them quiet and happy. No surprise, there’s no hints of riots or mass dissent in Kuwait now that this law has been passed. On the other hand, Kuwait also doesn’t have some of the same symptoms that Tunisia and Egypt (and many other nations in the Middle East) do. Many of the nations currently experiencing unrest also face truly epidemic unemployment, a lack of basic social services that would make even the GOP here in America cry, and overwhelming corruption in the public sector.

If you are the lizard person leader of an country, is paying off your citizens in return for not rioting stabilizing potential unrest, or just fattening the calf so that when the day comes that you begin eating your citizens, they are well fed?

Posted in lizard people.

Possible Lizard Person: Omar Suleiman?

Omar Suleiman - Possible Lizard Person?

It’s been suggested that Omar Suleiman, the newly appointed Vice President of Egypt is a Lizard Person. This doesn’t seem to be an impossible idea – He’s also in charge of the national intelligence bureau, and was described in the BBC as: “While he has shown little political ambition, General Suleiman has often been mentioned as a possible successor to the 82-year-old Mr Mubarak.

He would continue in the trend of military strongmen who have led Egypt since the 1952 revolution.”

He may or may not be a lizard person who’s trying to take the reigns of a country in chaos to preserve firm LP control of the nation when Mubarak Gets Out. We will continue to monitor the situation closely, and update you when we know more.

Posted in lizard people.

Hosni Mubarak: Lizard Person Leader Deposed!

Hosni Mubarak a Lizard Person

Hosni Mubarak a Lizard Person

Hosni Mubarak, the president of Egypt, has watched as his country was overrun this week in a series of Counter-Lizard Person revolts against his rule. At this point, he has been effectively all but disposed by the popular movement of people in his country. While we wait to see a clear leader emerge and bring the country forward, it’s critical to realize the victories against the autocratic, people-eating lizard persons of North Africa. Take heart and see the power that all people offer when they rise up against their oppressors. Unemployment being over 25% and half the country living in poverty gave the people of Egypt (and Tunisia) no great love or reason to continue to back their leaders.

What other national figures in the world are lizard people who must be resisted? Let us know.

Posted in lizard people.

Rex Ryan: Lizard Person or not?

Rex Ryan Is A Lizard Person

Rex Ryan Is A Lizard Person

We’ve just identified Rex Ryan as a lizard person sports coach. His floppy neck, jowls, fits of rage and bizarre arrogance are all key indicators of being a lizard person foot soldier. In what other situation would someone who was just humiliated challenge his opponent to another fight? Not many.

Looking at him at right, it’s pretty clear what’s going on in this scene: He’s inspecting potential meals on the field before he devours one and reports back to Lizard Person central on their spaceship. We should keep a sharp eye out for any other suspicious public behaviors that will help us understand the general motivations and behaviors of all lizard people, so that we can better identify them and track others like him in the population. Our goals are not to capture or remove just one threatening lizard person, but all of them!

Do you know of any other prominent sports figures that are lizard people? [hs-action]

Posted in lizard people.

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Lizard Person Returned To Maker: Spiro Agnew

Spiro Agnew was a clear lizard person. In six years, he went from County Executive in Maryland to Vice President of the United States, and was out of that job in barely four years. An era of crime and criminal activities followed him, from taking bribes as Governor of Maryland to innumerable immoral acts while Vice President.

Spiro Agnew Was A Lizard Person

Spiro Agnew Was A Lizard Person

A clear agent of the Lizard People can rise quickly into a position of power like that – it can be set up. Luckily his own greed and attitudes got the best of him  and took him down even faster. Since then, the lizard people learned that they need to be just a little more stealthy and clever. Spiro Agnew was a painful lesson to them that they can’t get away with just anything. They got clever after he was thrown bodily out of politics and law.

Even the Lizard People temporarily pretended to be rid of Agnew – his portrait was removed from the Maryland State House Governor’s Room for almost 20 years. It was only reinstated in the mid-90’s when they believed it was safe and that people had forgotten. We have not forgotten that Spiro Agnew was a lizard person!


Posted in lizard people.

BP Executive Officers: Definitely Lizard People

Tony Hayward Is A Lizard Person

Tony Hayward Is A Lizard Person

Yeah, Tony Howard is definitely a lizard person. Seriously. Look at him. BP was two steps away from intentionally dumping millions of barrels of oil into the Gulf of Mexico to try and poison and kill us all and our food and the whole ocean, really. They were so criminally negligent because they almost wanted it to happen. Screw this guy and the hard hat he’s wearing, he’s a lizard person trying to take over the world and eat us all.

Who’s going to resist a giant British lizard person who is actively poisoning the world’s oceans and trying to figure out how to bail out his company first and save  the lives and livelihoods of millions of living things second? They are so screwed and we should all be glad, this is a step back for lizard people’s world domination if we can recover from the ruining of our oceans!

Are chemical dispersants the solution for humanity by the lizard people?

Posted in lizard people.

Winnipeg Police Are Lizard People?

winnipeg police lizard people

the winnipeg police are lizard people!

This one comes to us from alert Lizard Person Or Not reader Sarah, who sent us the following alert:

All the senior Manitoba Justice officials are greedy, flesh-eating Lizard Overlords who are assisted by their mindless lizard minions – the Winnipeg police in abducting oppressed, impoverished Natives, mostly women, to be used for a quick convenient snack food source. These lizard officials know that that these (500 at last count)missing Native women will not elicit any public outcry due to pervasive Canadian rascism. These lizard-reptiles also exist in other provinces of Canada and generally prey on ethnic minorities, especially First Nation people.

Apparently, Manitoba has a full-fledged infestation of lizard people who are systematically attacking and eating First Nation people in Canada. It’s incredible how blatantly they are being about this – Simply grabbing them off the street and from their homes and devouring them in front of their families before moving on. It’s currently unknown why they are favoring women. If you have any more information about the Manitoba or Winnipeg area and these incidents, please let us know!

The Police everywhere are pretty clearly instruments of lizard person enforcement and action, whether willing or unwillingly or whether they even realize it. They may be unwitting participants in this grand conspiracy and so deliberate efforts can be made to save those who have not been replaced by a Lizard Person doppelgänger.

Posted in lizard people.